passing on

my granny suddenly passed on today. she fell down and got her head knocked and was unconscioused and was pronounced dead in the hospital. she was weaked for some time and need assistance be it to have a meal, bath and others. nevertheless, she was not senile and was able to crack jokes unintentionally.

i visited her last cny when i was back home. you'll never know what would happen and it was something like this that you were grateful to make it. i would not be back for her funeral and dad understood it.

we were never really that close due to language barrier. i was never able to speak my native language well. however we shared some moments together that meant to be cherished forever.

i'm sorry granny for being bad although you might not have known it. i pray that your soul will be together with our Lord in heaven. nek, ako de kenah pulik liko. ko harep nek fahem. ko akan jumpa nek bila hari Yesus Kristus kelo datang lagi. sorry for my broken language...

how are you?

it's been a long time since i updated this blog. a short while ago i vowed to write short entry every day. this blog should have been diary-like not only on significant events only. yeah, it's going the other way round i know.

some updates on my life:
i recently got back from an amazing trip. i got in touch on some old friends. i felt good at work. i wonder when will i meet my other half. i wonder if my behavior irritates some. i wish i could be with my family often. i wish to learn about building rapport. i imagined life with him. i want to travel more. i am confused on my feelings.

happy belated 62nd and 56th birthday..

dad and mum had a belated 62nd and 56th birthday celebraton respectively. i had been away from home for the past 2.5 years and had not been able to celebrate their past 3 birthdays with them. to make up for that, i decided to have a belated birthday at sheraton restaurant. yeah, i am earning my own money, why not let my parents had a meal at a posh restaurant once in a while?

the restaurant was quite full. there was an engagement dinner held at the same too. we did not have the famous fish head curry for mum did not fancy curry. so we had the usual meal albeit one blunder. one of our orders - 8 seasons dish was not taken and as we were quite full we did not insist on the order.

sorry for this picture of an-almost-finish-eaten-fish. i had almost forgotten to take a picture of this dish.

this is the sago milk fruit slices mixed desert or in mandarin si mi lu. my ex boss always ordered this when he treated us and i like this very much. however the taste was quite different and not as delicious as i remembered it to be.
altogether the bill came to a rm120++ inclusive drinks, peanuts and towels. quite ok for a sibu posh restaurant standard.

skipped work

i took emergency leave from work today and lied that i was feeling not well. i think God decided to teach me a lesson for lying and therefore i was really sick, although not that bad.

i was


now am


moral of the story: do not lie to skip work. even though you feel lazy, you still have to drag your heavy ass to work.

say goodbye

feeling rather disappointed. saw his pictures with my senior in facebook. gosh, how could he didn't contact me when he's here. talked to him just now in msn. his reason being that he didn't have my contact. hellooo.. contacts have many forms - mobile numbers, email, msn, friendster, etc.... he didn't have my number, fine but he have others. and he didn't make an effort to get in touch. ok maybe i was the one who's jual mahal. my fault, IT'S ALWAYS my fault.

fine, i'll forget you then. i'll just erase you from the top of my hope list. gooodbye, GKS.

... years ago

happy birthday to me. contrary to what was being shown in the picture, i am not 5 years old or 50 or 500! i am just sixteen.... *eggs thrown at me*

a little boy...

i have a nephew and he's 5 years old. he's currently in kindergarten 1 at the sacred heart primary school.

he's such an adorable boy. and i could not think of my family without him today. his coming into our lives caused a big heartache initially. we were not sure of whether to or can accept him. we were hit by a crisis so big i would think i could never face the world normally again.

but this boy slowly creapt into our lives and into our hearts too. gosh, i have tears welling in my eyes as i was typing this. he's such a smart and talkative boy. although we always scolded him for being so generous with words, i would say that was what made him endearing to us. he acts like an adult; he's a mini adult. he behaves and talks more mature than any little kid i know.



he's very close to my mum and he even thought my mum is his mum and my dad is his dad. he's close to me too although i suspect he's just using me to have all those toys and fun in park/arcade. ;p

our hope for him is to grow into a useful person. i hope he will understand that everything we did was for his benefit.


some of his antics





boy, how we love him...

mumblings

he's going. what am i going to do? something need to be done.

solitude

he was once a popular guy. so popular that his mum complained about the calls she received for him day and night. i had a crush on him but i did not tell him. i didn't even know if he realised it or not. then i knew he liked this girl, a friend of mine. i was crushed but did not say or do anything. i just went on, pretending everything was normal as they can be.

then we went to universities but still kept in touch. after sometimes, i heard the girl left him and he hooked up with the cousin of the girl but they broke up too. his studies deteriorates and eventually he was kicked out. he went into depression and today he was left all alone, far from being the popular guy he once was.

i contacted him recently just to see what is going on with him. he's still the same person although he looked 'lost'. he is in solitude.

silly thing i did...

he has changed tremendously. i did the silly thing of waiting for a glimpse of him. and he has changed a lot. saw him buying something from a shop and when he walked out, he has these huge arms, very different from the sticky thin arms back in school. previously, he also has this hanger-like shoulder and we girls, always made fun of that. and now he has grew (yes, he did grow a bit) taller, i think should be around my height too. he was way shorter than me back in the school days. i guess his hormones worked at a slower pace. i could see that he frequented the gym. good for him. much better than having thin body and arms.

i remember visited his house during one of the festivals with a friend of my father's (of course my parents and my dad's friend's family tagged along). about a month before that, we had a debate competition between our schools. he was one of the debaters and yes, yours truly too was in the rival team. we fought in the final but unfortunately, his team won. i wanted to win badly and i was very dissapointed for losing in the end. i remember asking myself many why's and what if's. it was only natural that when i went to his house and saw him, i pretended not to see him. i didn't look at him or even greeted him. i guess i was still bitter for our loss and i guess i saw him as one of the reasons of why we lose. i think because of my behaviour that very day, he commented to a mutual friend that i was very arrogant. i was a bit let down by that remarks but it did not affect me greatly for we were barely friends, not even acquintances.

i did see him in pictures in some blogs. i didn't even know we (and some other friends) were at the same wedding. i only knew when his friend blogged about the event and enclosed some pictures. else, i would take the chance to greet not only him but other friends too.

ok back to the present day. i was in the car and he was waiting to cross the road. he was just in front of my car and i was not very sure if he recognised or saw me. i was a bit astounded to see his physical change. when i drove passed by his house, he turned to make another glance - either spontaneously or to look why is this person staring at him. this is just one of the silly things i do. maybe we will never meet again in the future. and i am glad for doing this silly thing.

i'm missing you...

happy new year gab, wherever you are. may the year of the rat brings you prosperity and good health.

he isn't mine

he doesn't like me. he planned to move to england to work there. he never intended to come back malaysia to be with me. he told me he would return to malaysia but now it seemed that he has changed his mind. he asked me to go to england too but did he ask me to go along with him? i don't think so. he just treated me as one of his ordinary friends. i thought i was special to him but it turned out not. we shared many memories together. i have known him for about 12 years now. he was my best male friend. although i don't believe two people of different sex can remain good friends, it seemed we are the living proof. i would really like for us to be more than just friends but i think he prefers us to be just like now. i've never asked what his feelings for me really are. the last time i saw him was about 7 years. till then we lost contact until recently. maybe he thought i was still the ugly duckling he used to hang out. but did he really see the new me now. of course, i don't want to be liked solely on my outer looks. but i thought the combination would win him over.

on the other hand, do i really like him? i am close to 30 now and everyone has been asking when is my turn to walk down the aisle? my friends got married one by one and these have really pushed me into thinking hard about getting hitched. but how do i go about that when i don't even have that special someone. maybe i am desperate and that's why i really want him to come back to malaysia.

i hope he will change his plan. but that is impossible because he told me he is saving hard now. and of course he is serious. as for me, i have planned that if my life has not changed when i hit 30, i would think seriously of changing my path of life. i would return back to study and besides that finding the other half of me. wish me luck!!